SurviveOro?
by Kazoku Okami
Summary: Kenshin, Sano, Saitou and Aoshi join members of the YuYu Hokashu and DBZ gangs on Koenma's island for a AU take-off of those reality survival shows; but what strange force is altering the behavior of our competitors? Kenshin as a womanizing macho man? Sai
1. Default Chapter

Author's note: This is a Rurouni Kenshin/Yuyu Hokashu/Dragon Ball Z crossover story. All standard disclaimers apply. We do not own the rights to any of these characters (more's the pity) and we apologize ahead of time for any distress we might cause by making our beloved anime friends behave in unusual ways. We also declare ourselves to be unaffiliated with any TV reality shows that take place on islands. We further assert that, although there are doubtless many examples of fan fiction on the internet that feature any or all of these characters in a similar reality show setting, this is an original story and is not based on any other fan fiction. That said, we hope you'll enjoy this unworthy story, that we do!  
  
Survive-oro!  
  
By Kazoku Okami  
  
Chapter 1: The Game Begins  
  
A late Spring dawn was painting the sky in glorious, vivid tones, the  
gold glints of a newly risen sun sparkling off the deep azure blue of the  
white-capped ocean. Dew still glistened on the leaves and flowers on the  
small, wave-kissed island, making the whole scene reminiscent of a newly-  
regained Paradise.  
From the windy deck of a speeding water taxi, an unusual assortment of  
passengers drank in their first view of the Spirit World island that  
would be their home for the next two weeks. Already divided into two  
tribes, the group was made up of sixteen of anime's most skilled and  
colorful characters. Earlier that week, each of them had received an  
invitation from Daioh Koenma, Ruler of the Spirit World, to take part in  
a series of physical and mental team challenges with elimination rounds.  
After each challenge, one player would be voted off the island; the last  
man or woman standing would be crowned "Ultimate Master of Survival."  
The first tribe, dubbed "Rurouni/Yuyu," was made up of six humans:  
Urameshi Yusuke, a dark-haired, tight-muscled teen who, in spite of his  
success as a Spirit World detective, was still, underneath it all, a  
schoolboy; Yusuke's school chum, Kazuma Kuwabara, who, while not the  
sharpest crayon in the box, had proven himself a noble and good-hearted  
youth; the copper-haired Himura Kenshin, whose left cheek bore the cross-  
shaped scar that identified him as the Meiji Imperialists' top assassin  
during the Bakumatsu, now turned peaceful wanderer and wielder of a  
reversed-blade sword used only to protect the innocent; Kenshin's best  
friend, the ex-gang member Sagara Sanosuke, known for mooching meals from  
his friends at the Kamiyah dojo and often called "Roosterhead" because of  
the way his dark hair stood up in a spiky sort of "cockscomb" on his  
head; the gaunt, wolfish Police Officer Hajime Saitou, former member of  
the dreaded samurai guard known as the Shinsengumi or Mibu Wolves; and  
Shinomori Aoshi, the tall, dark and gorgeous leader of the Oniwabanshu  
spy ring, along with their two otherworldly companions: Kurama, the vine-  
wielding fox spirit currently inhabiting the body of a hauntingly  
handsome young human with long, auburn tresses and eyes the green of an  
Irish hillside; and Hiei, a dark-haired, cynical-natured fire demon whose  
small stature belied his considerable physical and spiritual power.  
Making up the roster of the second group, simply referred to as "Tribe  
DBZ," were: the Saiyan Prince Vegeta, known for both his great pride and  
prowess; Son Goku, the good-natured Saiyan warrior sent to Earth as a  
baby, whose superhuman powers were rivaled only by his enormous appetite;  
the lovely, blueberry-haired Bulma, daughter of the famous inventor,  
Doctor Briefs, and wife to Vegeta; Goku's pretty, hot-tempered spouse,  
Chi Chi; Vegeta and Bulma's lavender-haired, pre-teen son, Trunks; Son  
Goten, the second son of Goku and Chi Chi, at age 11, the spitting image  
of his father; the wizened old "Turtle Hermit", Master Roshi, known far  
and wide for his skills in the martial arts, as well as his hentai  
attentions to any female with a pulse; and Goku's friend and sparring  
partner since childhood, the short, bald, and oddly noseless Krillin.  
The taxi docked in a small inlet and the passenger disembarked. As the  
boat sped away again, the tribe members dumped their duffle bags onto the  
beach and stood waiting for their host to arrive. Master Roshi decided to  
take advantage of the short wait by checking out the opponents for  
eligible young women.  
"Hmmm.two cute little redheads," he murmered, wiggling his eyebrows in  
a leering grin. One of the redheads looked Roshi's way, caught the  
implications behind the leer and glared at him with violet eyes that  
flashed bits of amber in their depths.  
"Oooh.she's a fiery one!" Roshi thought. "A bit flat-chested,  
maybe.but HOT, HOT, HOT!"  
"Good morning and welcome to the Spirit World!"  
The host's voice broke into Master Roshi's perverted daydreams and  
they all looked around to see a small figure heading toward them. The  
newcomer was dressed in violet and fuchsia, with a tall hat perched on  
top of his head, its front bearing the kanji symbol translated as "king,"  
along with the English abbreviation for "Junior." This was Daioh Koenma  
in his toddler form, a pacifier bobbing excitedly between his cherubic  
lips as he strode purposefully through the sand just ahead of a large,  
blue ogre.  
"Hey, Pacifier Breath!" Kuwabara yelled in greeting.  
Koenma glared at the tall, long-faced youth. "I resent that!" Loud  
sucking noises punctuated his exclamation.  
"Don't antagonize the host, fool!" Hiei hissed, poking Kuwabara in the  
ribs.  
The somewhat dull-witted human muttered a gruff apology. Koenma  
nodded, then stood surveying the assembled players, mentally taking a  
role count. Finally, satisfied that all the invited contestants were  
present and accounted for, he broke his stare and switched into reality  
show host mode, his arms folded and his feet planted wide apart. It was  
obvious that he relished the job.  
"Here are the rules," he began. "Each tribe will set up camp and be  
responsible for finding food and water to survive. Once a day you will  
participate in a competition, with the winning tribe earning immunity;  
the losing tribe will have to vote out one of its members. When we are  
down to eight players, the two tribes will be combined; then it's every  
man, woman or demon for himself!"  
Saitou glanced over at Sanosuke with an evil, secret grin. Kenshin saw  
the look and sighed; the hot-blooded rivalry between the policeman and  
the ex-gang member had not cooled since they had been forced to become  
reluctant allies against the evil Shishio. Indeed, their open hostility  
seemed to have grown during the months following the Kyoto incident. This  
could spell trouble for tribal unity if it persisted.  
"And, by the way," Koenma went on, "if you die, we're not responsible  
for it." He paused for emphasis; the only sound was his persistent  
sucking on the pacifier. Then, satisfied that he had everyone's full  
attention, he rubbed his hands together. "Now, then, let's begin. The  
first competition consists of a footrace to your respective campsites,  
where you will erect a shelter, gather firewood and make a fire, then  
catch one of the giant killer sharks circling the island. The first tribe  
to complete all of these tasks will win today's immunity and receive the  
coveted Dragon Ball. Show them, Jorj!" He nodded to the ogre who held up  
a golden orb that caught the sunlight, dazzling them all.  
"So that's where the sixth one went!" Bulma exclaimed.  
"Ooh! Shiny ball!" Kuwabara drooled, his hand reaching involuntarily  
toward the orb.  
"Down, fool!" Hiei commanded, his elbow digging into Kuwabara's side  
again  
"LAY OFF ME, SHORTY!!!" the tall human yelled. Yusuke stepped between his  
two teammates and whispered something. Still glaring, the two nodded and  
stood down.  
"Right." Koenma raised one hand, then dropped it to his side. "Begin!"  
Hiei, with his fire demon speed, and Goku, powering into Super Saiyan  
mode, were gone before the last syllable ended, with the nimble Kenshin  
close on their heels. The others grabbed their duffle bags and trotted  
(or levitated) along behind. Saitou deliberately tripped Sanosuke, who  
pitched headlong into the sand, cursing loudly. The smirk quickly left  
the tall policeman's wolfish countenance as the downed Sano recovered,  
lunged at Saitou's leg and delivered a fierce bite to his ankle. Saitou  
went down and the two rolled in the sand, fists flailing, while the  
others ran to pull them apart.  
"You're giving our opponents a chance to get ahead, you idiots!" Yusuke  
snarled.  
"Hmm, maybe not," Kurama remarked, gesturing toward a second sandstorm  
that was generated by a screeching Bulma, intent on pounding Master Roshi  
into the ground. "That old man should learn not to pinch the ladies!" He  
glanced back at the Saitou-Sanosuke fist-fest and shook his head. "Still,  
I suppose we should get these two back on track."  
Producing a rose from his sleeve, the foxy Kurama gave it a snap and the  
flower became a rose whip in his hand. He flicked the whip toward the  
combatants and it wrapped itself around one of Sanosuke's legs. Kurama  
retracted the vine, dragging the Roosterhead free of the fray.  
"Hey!" Sano yelled. "I was winning!"  
"Sure you were," Yusuke said scornfully. "Now are you coming along  
peacefully or does Kurama have to drag you behind him all the way to  
camp?"  
"Alright, alright!" Sano said quickly. "Just get this whip off me."  
"I will - when we reach our campsite," Kurama said, smiling.  
They set off, Sanosuke hobbling along like a prisoner with a ball and  
chain shackled to his leg, and Saitou following, his wolfish glare boring  
into Sano's back.  
Members of Tribe DBZ rescued Master Roshi from the wrath of Bulma and,  
eventually, both tribes reached their respective campsites. Hiei and Goku  
had finished building their shelters and Kenshin had gathered firewood  
for the Ruroun/Yuyu tribe, gaining them a slight edge. Hiei added to the  
lead by blasting the wood into quick flame, while Kenshin unsheathed his  
reversed-blade sword and bolted down to the communal beachfront to spear  
a shark. But Tribe DBZ wasted no time and soon had a pile of driftwood  
gathered and blazing away. Goku snapped up the crude fishing pole Krillin  
had prepared and flashed off to join Kenshin. The other members of the  
two tribes followed.  
Arriving at the shore, they could see Goku floating above them, his  
fishing line dangling in the water. Kenshin had waded out a short way  
and had found himself suddenly surrounded by hungry sharks. While  
fighting them off, the top of his kimono had somehow slipped off,  
exposing his lean, muscular arms and chest. ("Funny how that always seems  
to happen to Kenshin!" Sanosuke muttered.)  
"Woah!" Master Roshi yelled. "She's a HE!" He sweat-dropped, then giggled  
nervously. "Oh, well, at least there's still the other cute redhead for  
me to ogle!"  
"Fight 'em, Kenshin!" Sanosuke yelled encouragement. "Show those ugly  
fish who's boss - Aurk!" He pitched, face-first, into the sand as Saitou  
took out his knees with a kick from behind. Soon the two were scrapping  
with all the fury of hungry wolves fighting over a tender sika deer.  
"Look! My Goku has a bite!" Chi Chi yelled as the line dangling from the  
Saiyan's fishing pole suddently jerked and went taut.  
"And Kenshin has just speared one of the sharks!" Yusuke cried. "It's  
just a matter of who gets their catch back to the beach first!"  
"We've won, then!" Bulma squealed. "No one's faster than Goku!"  
And, indeed, it appeared that the Saiyan would be first in landing a  
shark; but, as fate would have it, just as he alit on the beach to reel  
in his line, Saitou delivered an uppercut to Sanosuke's jaw and sent him  
flying, directly into Goku's back.  
"Oof!" Goku stumbled and dropped the pole. Tossing the limp Sano off his  
back, he dove headlong after the receding pole, only to watch it slip  
from sight beneath the water. "Darn it!"  
A cheer went up from the Rurouni/Yuyu tribe and Goku turned to see a  
panting, bleeding Kenshin staggering onto the beach. The young red-haired  
warrior was dragging a dead shark; he deposited it on the sand, then  
slumped down beside it.  
"Tribe Rurouni/Yuyu has won the first immunity challenge!" Koenma's voice  
rang out. He gestured to Jorj, who stepped forward and placed the golden  
ball in Kenshin's bloodied hands. "Tribe DBZ, you will bring your torches  
to tribal council tonight. One of you will be voted off the island."  
The victors gathered around Kenshin, slapping him on the back and  
cheering, while the DBZ players headed dejectedly back toward their  
campsite.  
"Well, I guess we know who's outta here tonight," Krillin muttered to  
Master Roshi. "You and I are the only ones who aren't family."  
"Huh?" Roshi responded distractedly. He had caught sight of the other  
team's cute redhead - the one who had NOT disappointed him by turning out  
to be a guy - heading into the grove that separated the two campsites.  
The dreamy-eyed, slender Kurama carried a pail to pick berries for  
tonight's dessert. "Here's my chance!" Roshi thought, mentally licking  
his chops. "Heh, heh! Hold on, little darlin'! Old Roshi loves picking  
berries!"  
The dejected Krillin never even saw him slip away, heading toward his  
prey.  
  
* * *  
  
(Author: Time for a commercial!)  
Announcer: And now a word from our sponsor, the Sadistic Sake Company.  
Camera cuts to the kitchen at Kuwabara's house. Kuwabara is trying to fit  
a 5-gallon garbage bag into a 13-gallon trashcan. Hiei and Kurama walk up  
to him, each holding a can of Kirin Mets grapefruit drink. Kuwabara  
ignores them, muttering to himself as he struggles with the bag.  
Kurama: Hey, Kuwabara, we've got something to show you.  
Kuwabara keeps muttering, but turns to eye the two.  
Hiei: This isn't really Kirin Mets. (The two shuck off the outside of  
their soft drink cans, revealing small bottles underneath.) .it's  
Sadistic Sake!  
Kurama: And we're not really demons. (He shrugs off his outer self,  
revealing that he is Kenshin, while Hiei transforms into Sanosuke.)  
.we're really Meiji-era warriors!  
Kuwabara staggers back, reeling in shock, as the two begin to sing:  
Kenshin: (with a Rurouni grin) I'm a little bit Battousai.  
Sano: (bitterly) .and I'm a little bit Roosterhead.  
Camera zooms in close to Kuwabara's mouth, open in a scream. Focus on his  
face, as he realizes it was all a dream and he's in his own sleeping bag  
in the Spirit Island camp.  
Kuwabara: (frantically) Yusuke! I dreamed the demons were scary, singing  
warriors!  
(Saitou pops up from his sleeping bag across the campfire and throws a  
shoe, hitting Kuwabara in the head.)  
Saitou: Shut up, you moron!  
Announcer: (who is revealed to be Sejiro Hiko,13th master of the Hiten  
Mitsurugi Ryu, with 35 empty sake bottles piled up around him) Sadistic  
Sake (hiccup) .for when you want to give an annoying teammate a reason to  
drink till he drops!  
(Author's Disclaimer: We wish to make it clear that we do not encourage  
anyone to "drink till he drops," especially when writing a fanfic. It is  
apt to lead to silliness of epic proportions, as in.WHAT? NO! We were NOT  
drinking while writing this! We are perfectly capable of being silly AND  
sober, thank you very much.)  
  
* * *  
  
Later, as a neon pink and purple sunset died away into darkness,  
torchlight flickered along the beach as Tribe DBZ headed off to the far  
side of the island for tribal council. They filed into the council  
circle, planting their torches, then taking their seats. Koenma looked  
them over, then frowned.  
"Who's missing?" he asked.  
"Huh?" Everyone looked around.  
"Hey, Roshi's not here!" Bulma exclaimed.  
Just then, a strange-looking mass of vines rolled into the clearing,  
coming to a halt at their feet. Something inside the tangled mess was  
struggling and making pitiful, whining noises. The slight form of Kurama  
stepped into the torchlight and glared at Tribe DBZ.  
"Keep that blasted old hentai away from me or he's roadkill!" Kurama  
growled, his eyes blazing. With a disgusted glance at the vine-covered  
thing that was Roshi, he delivered a final, well-aimed kick, then stalked  
back into the shadows.  
"The old fool!" Vegeta sneered. "He is an embarrassment to our tribe! I  
demand that he be voted off the island!"  
"YESSS!" Krillin leapt to his feat. "Hallelujah! I'm spared!"  
Goku gently cut the vines off his old master and helped him to his feet.  
"I'm afraid I have to agree with Vegeta," he said, shaking his head  
sadly. "It's really for your own safety's sake."  
"Hmmm." Master Roshi sighed wistfully. "I guess you're right - but it was  
worth it. That little red-haired dolly sure is beautiful when she's  
angry!"  
"Is the vote unanimous?" Koenma inquired. Everyone nodded. "Then, Master  
Roshi, the council has spoken." He looked around. "His torch isn't here!  
How am I supposed to extinguish it if it isn't here?" His face screwed up  
into a pout. "This ruins the whole effect of the ceremony!"  
"Calm down, sir! I have retrieved the old one's torch!" The ogre hurried  
forward.  
"Good job!" Koenma said, gleefully smothering the torch's flame with a  
large metal snuffer.  
Master Roshi began walking away. He turned to look back at the crowd,  
sadly, and made the "Call me" sign to Bulma.  
"Why you---!" The blue-haired young woman sprang forward and drop-kicked  
the old pervert down the wooden steps. He landed on the sand and lay  
there, dazed, as the remaining seven members of Tribe DBZ gathered their  
torches and left the council area.  
Koenma toddled over and leaned down toward Roshi.  
"So, redheads are your undoing, huh, old man?" he remarked. He turned  
away, a slight smile behind his pacifier. "By the way, they were BOTH men  
- Battousai and the berry-picker!"  
Master Roshi's screams of anguish echoed across the island. Making their  
way back to their camp, the DBZ team stopped, their hair standing on end.  
"What in the name of Korin's Sacred Furball was that?!!" Krillin cried.  
In the Tribe Rurouni/Yuyu camp, Kenshin rose to his feet, hand on his  
sword.  
"Some poor, cursed creature must have been gutted by a wild boar!" he  
exclaimed. "I haven't heard such an agonized cry since Hitokiri Battousai  
mowed down twenty-nine men on the outskirts of Edo!"  
Across from him, Kurama's green eyes caught the dancing red lights of the  
campfire and his lips curled into a secretive, Mona Lisa smile.  
"Don't get your hakama in a twist, Himura," he said softly. "It's  
probably just the mating call of the Frustrated Bald-pated Booby!"  
The first night on the island had come to an end.  
  
Author's note: Well, kiddies, if you think weirdness is going on here, you ain't seen nothin' yet! By the way, in case you haven't worked this out for yourself, this is a spoof and is meant to be taken as such - not as a serious story that follows the parameters established by the creators of these three series. Trust me, there will be no point in suing over the weirdness; we are not well-to-do. Our writing is done on a pity-PC (a friend felt sorry for us and, knowing our driving need to write weird stuff, gave us their old PC when they upgraded). And I have to give credit where credit is due. This whole thing grew out of a one-page story my 12- year-old son came up with! He's still learning the ropes, but I think the world of fan fiction will be hearing a lot from him in the future.  
  
More notes on this chapter: The Spirit World island was the site of the Dark Tournament featured in season two of the "Yuyu Hokashu" anime series. I've made it more tropical and, for now at least, omitted reference to the arena area in order to make it more like a survival series location.  
  
Daioh Koenma is currently in charge of the Spirit World in his father's absence. He usually appears in the form of a toddler, but sometimes manifests himself as an extremely hunky young man. Oddly enough, he retains his beloved pacifier in both incarnations.  
  
The "commercials" appearing in this and other chapters are parodies of television and/or magazine ads. None of these are my property; I do not even own stock in any of the products. If I did, I would not be sitting here in my humble abode, hammering out this fanfic on my old dinosaur of a PC. I would be dictating it to a secretary as I sunbathed on the deck of my yacht, slowly cruising along the Riviera.  
  
I have to take a moment to thank Anna-neko at RK Dreams for her kindness to a fledgling fanfic writer. She provided some much-needed - and always tactfully constructive - guidance, as well as the correct spelling for the names of "Rurouni Kenshin" and "Yuyu Hokashu" characters. She also supplied the name of Koenma's ogre, Jorj. (Who knew?) The versions of the "Dragon Ball Z" character names used in this story come from Beckett Publications' DBZ collectors' magazine (also not owned by me). 


	2. SurviveOro 2

Author's note: This is a Rurouni Kenshin/Yuyu Hokashu/Dragon Ball Z crossover story. All standard disclaimers apply. We do not own the rights to any of these characters (more's the pity) and we apologize ahead of time for any distress we might cause by making our beloved anime friends behave in unusual ways. We also declare ourselves to be unaffiliated with any TV reality shows that take place on islands. We further assert that, although there are doubtless many examples of fan fiction on the internet that feature any or all of these characters in a similar reality show setting, this is an original story and is not based on any other fan fiction. That said, we hope you'll enjoy this unworthy story, that we do!  
  
Survive-oro!  
  
By Kazoku Okami  
  
Chapter 2: "Roosterhead Must Go!"  
  
Morning found the remaining members of Tribe DBZ refreshed after a good night's sleep. With Master Roshi no longer on the island, the women had been able to rest assured that any glittering eyes leering at them in the darkness probably belonged to nothing more threatening than a blood- thirsty animal - a small worry compared to the thought of being eye-groped by the old hentai!  
In the Rurouni/Yuyu camp, Aoshi sat cross-legged on his sleeping bag, deep in meditation. The once angst-filled leader of the Oniwabanshu had faced his inner demons during a battle with Kenshin in Kyoto and had since discovered his own "inner light." Now, he no longer prided himself on being "Aoshi, so beautiful it's scary", but preferred to think of himself as "Aoshi, so enlightened it's breathtaking". He was blissfully unaware that most of his fellow tribe members actually referred to him as "Aoshi, so full-of-it it's nauseating"!  
A few yards away, Hiei had zapped a cook fire into being and was keeping Kurama company as the fox-boy grilled shark steaks for breakfast.  
"He's been sitting there all night in that same position!" Hiei glared at Aoshi's back. "And I thought Yusuke's old master was a discipline- freak!"  
"Kenshin told me he's like that because he is seeking to atone for dishonoring the memory of his dead associates," Kurama said mildly.  
"Humans! They're always trying to make everything all better - put a big bandage on their pasts! Himura himself is a prime example - like being Hitokiri Battousai is a bad thing!" Hiei shook his head. "Well, at least he's not as tiresome about it as 'Buddha-boy' over there."  
Just then, the serene Aoshi stirred, his consciousness returning from some celestial state of bliss. He stretched his long legs and turned to find Hiei staring his way, a sneer on the fire demon's lips. Aoshi's inner self rejoiced; he had come to believe that the way to true enlightenment was best traveled on a Streetcar named Persecution - and, with the cynical Hiei, Sanosuke and Saitou around, Aoshi was on the fast track to Nirvana! As Aoshi folded his sleeping bag and wandered off to answer Nature's call, Saitou sidled up to the cook fire and lit a cigarette from its flame. "Boys, let's talk." The tall policeman's lupine eyes glittered as he took a deep draw of smoke. "I couldn't help overhearing you bad-mouth Shinomori." Saitou's thin lips curled in a wolfish grin. "He's a piece of work alright - and I know you're thinking that, the first time we lose immunity, you'll jettison him off this island as fast as flinging an annoying coconut from a catapult!" Hiei stared up at the human suspiciously, but nodded. "The thought had crossed my mind." Cigarette dangling from his lips, Saitou leaned closer. "Well, you might want to reconsider that. Shinomori is irritating, but he's one of our most physically strong competitors. We need him to get us ahead of the other team; then, when the remaining players all get lumped together, we can give him the boot. Meanwhile, I have an even more annoying candidate to suggest!" He lowered his voice, conspiringly. "Gentlemen - the Roosterhead must go!" From the edge of the camp where he was elbows-deep in a tub of sudsy laundry, Kenshin watched this exchange and sighed. "This can't be good for Sano," he thought.  
  
* * *  
  
At around noon, Koenma and Jorj called everyone together on the communal beach to issue the second immunity challenge. Krillin arrived, head bowed dejectedly. With Master Roshi gone, it was a sure bet that he would be the next to leave the island. The only way to avoid this disgrace was for Tribe DBZ to win.  
Koenma looked them all over, a secretive smile making him appear less babyish and more - well, scary. "Today's activities will be a lot of fun!" the pacifier-sucking host announced. "This is another two-part challenge and it will require both skill and intelligence." He motioned to the ogre who brought out a deck of cards. "Each of you will draw a card. High card on each team will represent his or her tribe in skill; the two of you who draw the low cards will compete in the intelligence match."  
When everyone had finished drawing, they compared cards and it was revealed that the unlucky Krillin would face Aoshi in the skill challenge (a fact that had everyone in Tribe DBZ looking worried), while Bulma would take on Kuwabara in the intelligence portion (now Tribe Rurouni/Yuyu wore the worried expressions).  
"Buddha-boy had better pound Krillin big-time for us to have any chance at all!" Hiei hissed. "That one's road kill!" He jerked his thumb toward Kuwabara, whose face had gone stark white upon seeing that the card he had chosen was a lowly two of hearts.  
"Come right this way, people - and demons," Koenma said, turning to lead them a little way down the beach. He stopped near what looked to be some sort of large aboveground swimming pool. Two narrow ropes were stretched taut above it, each attached to a pole on either side. A few feet away were two puzzle boards and a pair of chain-locked treasure chests.  
"Alright, listen up!" Koenma took a Binky break, while everyone quieted down. "Now, you skill challengers will climb the poles and make your way across the tightropes. You'll notice that, in the middle of each rope, there is a small box, dangling from a line. Pull the box up and, inside, you will find a key. Proceed on to the other side and climb down. Once you are on the ground, hand the key to your team's intelligence challenger."  
He turned to Bulma and Kuwabara. "You two will then run over to the puzzle boards. Assemble the puzzle pieces to form a complete picture, leaving no pieces out. When you have finished, you may then move on to the treasure chests. Take off the chain and open the chest. The first tribe to finish will receive immunity - and the contents of both treasure chests!" A cheer went up from the crowd. Koenma smiled behind his Binky. "By the way, Krillin - no flying!" he warned. "You have to walk the rope just like a regular person." He raised a hand, then lowered it with a dramatic gesture. "Let the games begin!" Krillin trudged forward like a condemned man going to his own hanging. Aoshi, fastidious to a fault, eyed the pool, then slipped off his shirt, folding it neatly. Bulma and Chi Chi sweat-dropped, their mouths hanging open, and Bulma began humming a tune recognizable to everyone who has ever spent any time in an elevator. As Aoshi crossed in front of them, she sang softly, "Tall and slim, and pale and lovely, the Oniwaban leader goes walking." Vegeta and Goku nearly got whiplash as they jerked their heads around to stare at their star-struck wives. "Kakarot!" Vegeta growled. "Our women look like Master Roshi in drag!" "Hmmm." Goku looked uncomfortable. "They are drooling a bit, aren't they?" Steam practically came out of Vegeta's ears. "That pretty-boy giant has bewitched my Bulma! I must defeat him and bring honor back to the Saiyan race!" Goku sweat-dropped. "Uh, Vegeta - I don't think you'll get the chance today. Krillin is representing our tribe against Aoshi." Vegeta snarled, then turned to glare at the unfortunate Krillin. "Listen to me, you short-legged version of Mr. Clean!" he shouted. "The Saiyan honor is in your pitiful hands! If you dare to fail, you will face my wrath!" Krillin's whole head became a giant sweat drop and he practically passed out on the sand. But, knowing his life depended on pulling himself together, he managed to take his place beside Aoshi. Koenma shouted, "Go!" and the two contestants sprang into action. Aoshi bounded up the pole like a squirrel and stepped out onto the rope, his steps as graceful and light as that of a ballet dancer. Krillin's stubby legs wrapped around the other pole and he pulled himself up doggedly, grunting with the effort. By the time he reached the top, Aoshi was already retrieving his key and proceeding to the dismount. Krillin watched with a sinking heart, then swallowed hard and charged out onto the rope. To his surprise, he made it to the center of the rope without falling; hope renewed, he leaned down to grab the line holding his key - and promptly pitched headlong off the rope! Luckily, he managed to grab onto the dangling key; he hung there, suspended over the pool. Splash! Something broke the surface of the water below and launched toward Krillin. Razor-sharp teeth flashed and there was a loud, ripping noise, followed by the sound of a medium-sized, flying death machine splashing down into the pool. "Oh, did I forget to mention the piranhas?" Koenma asked, trying to look innocent and utterly failing. There was a moment of shocked silence, then Krillin screamed like a little girl. The seat of his pants had been ripped away, leaving him catching a breeze on his bare cheeks. With a surge of almost super-human energy, he leapt up onto the rope, snapped the line holding the key and blazed to the other side, sliding down the pole like a crazed fireman. A cheer went up from the DBZ tribe as Bulma snatched the key from Krillin and dashed to the puzzle table. Kuwabara was struggling with his puzzle pieces and he glanced around, nervously, at his competition. The two went at it feverishly and everyone held his breath as Bulma caught up. Suddenly, the blue-haired woman stopped, a frown on her face. Concentrating, she sniffed the air, then zeroed in on the trunk. "Chocolate!" she yelled. "I - smell - chocolate!" A feral, fang-toothed grin split her face and she slammed the remaining puzzle pieces into place, snapped the chains apart and, ignoring the key altogether, ripped off the top of the chest, revealing a huge bounty of luscious, dark chocolate truffles on ice. "Tribe DBZ wins immunity!" Koenma yelled. "No way!" Sanosuke howled. "She cheated! She didn't even use the key!" "I never said she had to," Koenma said, turning to the ogre. "Did I, Jorj?" "No, Sir," Jorj agreed. "All you told them was to open the chests." "Thank you, Jorj." Koenma turned back to the contestants. "Therefore -" "Although," the ogre interrupted, "use of the keys might have been implied. I suppose that, technically -" "THANK YOU, Jorj!" Koenma repeated, more forcefully. Catching the tone in his boss's voice, the ogre shut his mouth abruptly. "As I said -" Koenma glared at Sanosuke, who looked irritated, but didn't speak -"Tribe DBZ has won the immunity challenge!" With shouts of joy, the triumphant team lifted Bulma, her face and hands already smeared with chocolate, and carried her and both treasure chests off to their campsite. Tribe Rurouni/Yuyu watched them go, then turned dejectedly to begin the long walk back to prepare for the upcoming tribal council. Saitou hung back, waiting for Hiei and Kurama. "Well, boys," he muttered, "Shinomori proved himself useful today; like I said, we should keep him around awhile. Remember - the Roosterhead must go!" With a wink, the tall man strode off ahead of them, the inevitable cigarette trailing a wisp of smoke behind him.  
* * *  
  
(Author: And now, a word from our sponsor.)  
Announcer: Tonight's episode is brought to you by the Hair Club for Manga.  
The scene opens on a tight close-up of what appears to be the pitted, gnarly surface of some vast planet that is totally devoid of any life - animal, vegetable or mineral. As the camera backs off, we see that it is the top of poor Krillin's bald head.  
Narrator's voice: (sounding smarmy) "If you're a manga character, you know how important it is to have a huge head of thick, heroic hair! But what do you do when you're one of the few unfortunates who the manga gods chose to frown upon? Must you live your lives in quiet desperation, inhabiting the cruel pages alongside the likes of these hair studs?" (Headshots of Kenshin, Sanosuke, Hiei, Kurama, Goku and Vegeta are flashed onto the screen.)  
Narrator: "Now there's hope." (The shot changes to reveal the narrator, a tall, thin man with a thick shock of yellow hair standing about a foot high on his head.) "Here at the Hair Club for Manga, we can give you the look you want, whether you go for the Statue of Liberty spikes - " (close-up of Goku) -"the rooster comb -" (close-up of Sanosuke) -"the massive-forehead upsweep - " (close-up of Vegeta) -"one of the demon dos -" (close-ups of Hiei and Kurama) - "or the permanent 'bed-head' tangles of your favorite ex-Battousai -" (close-up of Kenshin, complete with "Oro?" expression) - "the choice is all yours."  
The camera pans in for a close-up. Narrator: "My name is Chou and I'm not just the president - I'm also a client!" (With one slight tug, he removes the giant straw-like mass on his head, revealing a bald pate.)  
Announcer: "The Hair Club for Manja , where we'll take you from loser - " ("before" shot of a bald Krillin) - "to stud-muffin - " (Krillin with Kenshin's hair, surrounded by girls) - "in one short visit!"  
  
***  
  
Twilight was falling softly on the island as Tribe Rurouni/Yuyu began to prepare for their trek to the tribal council. In the hours since they had lost the immunity challenge, the tribal members had been clustering in groups of two or three to discuss who would be the first of their band to be ousted from the island. Only Aoshi remained solitary, unwilling to lower himself to the position of a common schemer.  
Earlier, Hiei had noticed Kurama and Kenshin disappearing down one of the nature trails and had followed them, his curiosity piqued. The fire demon had listened to Saitou's plotting against Sanosuke, but neither he nor Kurama had given a verbal agreement to the matter. Saitou had been persuasive, but Hiei bristled at the thought of the policeman's smug confidence that the two demons could be so easily swayed. Kurama and Kenshin paused to talk and Hiei listened from behind a tree a few feet away. "I believe Saitou hates Sano, that he does," Kenshin was saying, shaking his head sadly. "It would appear so," Kurama agreed, "though I cannot fathom the source of his belligerence. What has the Roosterhe- uh, Sanosuke done?" "It's a long story," Kenshin sighed. "Let's just say they started out on different sides of the law. They temporarily joined forces to defeat a common enemy; but, even then, they were constantly sniping at each other. It seemed that everything Sano said or did got under Saitou's skin - especially during our carriage ride to the docks to confront Shishio." "So is that when things came to a head?" Kurama asked. Kenshin grinned "Well, it was actually the other end. Saitou stuck Sano in the butt with his sword!" Kurama winced. "Then perhaps it would be best to separate them by voting for Sanosuke tonight," he reasoned. "It would help bring some amount of tribal unity." Kenshin shook his head. "One would surmise this, perhaps; but I do not believe it to be so. Both of them feed off the energy of opposing one another. If Saitou were to succeed in his plot, he would lose his favorite punching bag, that he would." "Then he does not actually believe that Hiei and I will vote for Sanosuke tonight?" "I believe he chose to talk to you two because you are not easily led by others." Kenshin smiled. "I do not know you well, but I sense great strength of character in both you and Hiei-dono." Kurama returned the smile. "And we have seen much to admire in you, Himura Kenshin. I believe that we would make fast allies in battle." Hiei couldn't stand it anymore. Stepping out from behind the tree, he glowered at the two, his arms folded. "Am I too late? Did you two start the Hunky-Redheads-With-Names-Starting- With-K-Mutual-Admiration-Society meeting without me?" he snarled. Both Kurama and Kenshin flushed all the way to the roots of their maligned hair. Hiei grinned. "Now, let me give you my perspective on tonight's vote!" Back at the camp, Saitou and Sanosuke had sat glaring at each other across the fire pit since returning from the challenge. Yusuke and Kuwabara had kitchen duties and were busily preparing more shark steaks for the grill. Aoshi was seated on a slight rise above the camp, eyes closed and mind plugged into the universal power outlet. "I say we vote for Sanosuke!" Yusuke hissed to Kuwabara. "No, Saitou!" Kuwabara argued. "He's scarier!" He shot an over-the-shoulder glance at the tall policeman. "He gives me the willies with that wolf-stare of his!" Yusuke whapped Kuwabara up side the head with a handy chopstick. "Baka!" he spat. "You pretty much lost the challenge for us today. Your only hope of staying on this island is to get someone else kicked off. And everybody's scared of Saitou! Nobody will vote for him - but they might be talked into voting for the Roosterhead." "Oh - I knew that," Kuwabara muttered, rubbing his head. "Okay then, let's talk to the others." "I tried to talk to Hiei and Kurama already, but they were pretty closed- mouthed about what they're planning to do," Yusuke said. "I think Saitou got to them, though. It's my guess they're all planning to oust Sanosuke." "Good!" Kuwabara grunted with relief. "I'm not ready to leave yet." After a meal eaten mostly in silence, the members of Tribe Rurouni/Yuyu lit their torches and set off across the island to face the moment of truth. Once everyone was seated in the council circle, respective torches planted in the ground around them, Koenma and the faithful Jorj appeared. "So," the little tyrant with the pacifier began, "have you all been busy stabbing each other in the back?" Several tribe members looked sheepish; Hiei turned a death-by-glare look Koenma's way; and Aoshi flashed a "You're-only-human-so-forgive-yourselves" half-smile at his less-enlightened comrades. "Let's get down to the voting," Koenma said with a noisy pull on his Binky. He was relishing the situation. "Why don't we let Mr. Saitou go first? (Heh, heh.)" When all the votes were cast, the ogre brought them to Koenma and he began reading. "The first vote is for -" he paused for effect - "Sanosuke!" Sano bared his teeth at Saitou, who smirked. Koenma pulled out another ballet. "Kuwabara," he read. "And the next one is - Sanosuke. That's two for the Roosterhead and one for the Baka." "Hey!" Sano and Kuwabara both protested. Nonplussed, Koenma unfolded the next ballot. "Kuwabara! Hmm, the plot thickens!" He took out another piece of paper and read it. "Kuwabara has three votes." The next ballot was drawn. "And we have another Sanosuke! Three each for the Roosterhead and the Baka." He reached in again. "This one could decide it." Koenma squinted at the paper. "Well, now! This one says 'Saitou'! Wonder who cast that vote?" Sanosuke looked skyward and whistled nonchalantly. Koenma reached into the ballot box, then paused for dramatic effect, the final piece of paper clutched in his hand. "Unless this one bears the name of another tribe member, it will decide the fate of either Kazuma Kuwabara or Sagara Sanosuke!" Slowly, he opened the ballot, scanned it, then smiled around his Binky. "And the second player to leave the island is - Kuwabara!" "Doh!" Kuwabara smacked himself in the head ala Homer Simpson. With a sigh, he stood and watched as Koenma extinguished his torch; then he turned with a sad little wave and shuffled off into the darkness. The others took their torches and headed back for camp, Saitou glaring at the strutting Roosterhead at the front of the line. "There's always tomorrow, Sagara!" he muttered. "Your luck can't hold out forever!"  
  
Author's note: If you're a fan of Aoshi, Kuwabara or Krillin, you might be thinking by now that we're being terribly hard on your friends. Truth is, we are; but, in spoofs - just as in caricature drawings - certain outstanding or unusual traits are exaggerated to the extreme. Therefore, although we like Kuwabara a lot (except for that horribly brain-dead- sounding voice), we have exaggerated his not being the sharpest knife in the drawer; Krillin (who we all think is a great guy, but - face it - not quite Super Saiyan material) becomes the bald, unsure-of-himself outsider; and Aoshi (a taciturn man who was filled with rage and a hunger for vengeance before Kenshin demonstrated his "inner light" in battle) has been transformed into that most annoying of acquaintances, the enthusiastically reformed person who believes he alone has achieved cosmic perfection. (This, in spite of the fact that Aoshi is one of my favorite RK folks. I mean, what woman could dislike Aoshi Shinomori, for gosh sakes!) So, please forgive us; we promise to abuse the other characters as well in upcoming chapters! Oh, by the way, look for some major OOC-iness, as well. It's very noticeable - and very deliberate! Don't worry, it's also part of the plot - you'll see!  
  
More notes on this chapter: In ribbing Aoshi about his search for enlightenment, we do not intend to demean anyone's religious beliefs. The reference to him as "Buddha-boy" is not meant to imply that he is Buddhist; Hiei uses this term simply because, in Japan, statues of Buddha often represent him as posed in serene meditation. People in many of the world's religions meditate, seek to become more spiritual, and find genuine fulfillment in their faith. We were just exaggerating Aoshi's intense personality by making him go a little off the deep end.  
  
The little ditty Bulma sings in praise of Aoshi is, of course, set to the tune of "The Girl from Ipanema". If you don't recognize that title, you're either too young or you've been mercifully spared from exposure to elevator music. Ask someone over 35; chances are they can hum it for you.  
  
Um, I don't know if there's any reference in either "Dragon Ball" or "DBZ" to Bulma being a chocoholic, and I didn't mean to perpetuate the stereotype of women who can't say no to the deep brown, sweet, luscious stuff. Heck, I'm a woman and, admittedly, a chocolate addict; but, then, so are my husband and son ( chocoholics - not women, you smarty pants!).  
  
Oh, and a Binky is a particularly cute brand of pacifier. My kids both had them when they were small and I just always thought Koenma's trademark pacie looked suspiciously like theirs. 


	3. SurviveOro 3

Author's note: This is a Rurouni Kenshin/Yuyu Hokashu/Dragon Ball Z crossover story. All standard disclaimers apply. We do not own the rights to any of these characters (more's the pity) and we apologize ahead of time for any distress we might cause by making our beloved anime friends behave in unusual ways. We also declare ourselves to be unaffiliated with any TV reality shows that take place on islands. We further assert that, although there are doubtless many examples of fan fiction on the internet that feature any or all of these characters in a similar reality show setting, this is an original story and is not based on any other fan fiction. That said, we hope you'll enjoy this unworthy story, that we do!  
  
Survive-oro!  
By Kazoku Okami  
  
Chapter 3: Clones, Tigers and Baldies - Oh, My!  
  
The third morning of the challenge began with a particularly loud and grating rendition of "Reveille" broadcasting over a loud-speaker system located somewhere on the island. Everyone - with the exception of Aoshi, who was already deep into meditation - jerked straight up in their sleeping bags, instantly awake.  
The bugling was followed by Koenma's voice: "Good morning, slackers! It's already five in the morning and you late bloomers are irritating me! You've had enough beauty sleep - get up and get down to the beach, pronto!"  
Grumbling, stretching, yawning and scratching last night's bug bites, the two tribes shuffled their way to the beach. Vegeta was muttering curses under his breath and Kenshin's violet eyes were flecked with Battousai amber, but no one perpetrated any violence on the other-worldly toddler who greeted them with a smirk behind his trademark pacifier. Hiei noticed that Kurama looked somehow different this morning, but his musing was interrupted by Koenma's voice.  
"Well, now, the gang's all here!" the small one chortled. "My, my! Some of you don't look too happy - get up on the wrong side of the bed?" He guffawed at his own cleverness. Hiei's hair stood even more on end and a vein in Vegeta's forehead was throbbing dangerously. "Now, now, don't get your panties in a twist, folks!" Koenma went on. "In fact, I've brought you here to provide a most delightful treat."  
He smiled, pausing for effect, then continued. "I am allowing each of you to request two personal items. They will be obtained from your homes and brought here later this morning for your pleasure." Koenma beamed a benevolent smile at the group. "Think carefully, people. Remember: two items per player - and no fair trying to change your minds later."  
Their mood much improved by this new development, the members of the two tribes began talking excitedly among themselves. Hiei noticed Kurama had taken a pencil and paper from his pocket and was scribbling something furiously, while darting furtive glances around him.  
"Hmm," the fire demon thought. "Curiouser and curiouser!"  
"Have you all decided what you want?" Koenma questioned. He motioned to Jorj. "Write all this down." The long-suffering blue creature sighed and produced a steno pad and pen from a fanny pack around his waist. "Alright, one at a time, starting with -" he paused, looking around, then pointed at Kenshin - "you!"  
Kenshin stepped forward. "It would please this unworthy one greatly to have the fan Kaoru-dona gave me. And there is also a drawing of myself that was a gift from Yahiko-chan. Both are in my room at the dojo."  
"Done." Koenma nodded and Jorj recorded the items.  
"Good choices." Kurama beamed at Kenshin. Hiei's eyes narrowed.  
One by one, the players stepped forward with their requests. Yusuke asked for a visit from Pu and a photo of Keiko; Trunks and Goten both requested their Game Boy systems and a stash of cold soft drinks; Goku wanted a mini-fridge full of snacks and his digital Pikachu watch; Sanosuke requested sake and a hot meal from the Akabeko; and Bulma asked for a capsule house and a case of bottled water. "I'm tired of bugs crawling all over me at night and I don't trust the water in these tropical islands," she explained. After running through a mental list, Chi Chi chose a battery-operated fan and her PMS medication; her glare staved off any comments on the latter choice. Hiei said simply, "Bring my sword and a spare headband." Krillin requested a photo of Android 18 and Maron, then hesitated before blurting out, "And my special shoes - 18 will know which pair!" ("Oh, you mean the pair with the lifts?" Goku volunteered, causing Krillin to facevault and the others to snicker.) Saitou growled out, "Bring me cigarettes." When pressed for a second item, he looked at Koenma as if he were an annoying species of bug and snarled, "More cigarettes." Vegeta demanded his armour and was about to go on when Bulma spoke up. "Get his sun visor. That high forehead of his is getting sunburnt something awful!" The Saiyan prince flushed and stalked away, muttering curses under his breath. Kurama didn't speak, but stepped forward furtively and slipped a folded sheet of paper into the ogre's hand; Hiei chewed his lip, deep in thought.  
"Well, that's everyone but you, Buddha-boy," Koenma told Aoshi. "Come on and tell Uncle Koey what would make you happy."  
Aoshi beamed beatifically and shook his head. "I need only what I carry within me," he said softly, then added, "and this coat, of course."  
"Okaaay, then." Koenma rolled his eyes. He turned to the ogre. "Got all that down?"  
"Indeed I have, Sir," Jorj replied.  
"Then we're off to play Santa!" Koenma took a few pulls on his pacifier. No one moved. "Well? Go back to your camps, people! We're through here for now."  
  
* * *  
  
On the way back to the Rurouni/Yuyu camp, Hiei followed close behind Kurama who was deep in conversation with Kenshin.  
"Those two are getting as thick as thieves," Hiei muttered to himself. "I wonder what's -" He broke off sharply, as his brain registered the answer to a question he had asked himself earlier. "That's what is different about Kurama! His facial expression is a mirror image of Himura's."  
Indeed, both red-haired young men were wearing "Rurouni smiles," eyes shut and faces beaming with innocent charm.  
"I could be really sick about now!" Hiei thought in distaste. "It appears that my pal Kurama has a bad case of hero worship!"  
After breakfast, his fears were confirmed when Kurama tied his red locks back ala Rurouni and hurried off to help Kenshin in his never-ending quest to wash all the laundry in Japan.  
Hiei turned an interesting shade of pale green.  
At noon, Jorj dropped off everyone's items, including a mysterious bundle in a plain brown wrapper with Kurama's name on it. When he had finished, he handed a note to Aoshi, then turned and hurried off as if eager to leave before the okashira of the Oniwabanshu had a chance to read it.  
Aoshi opened the note. It was from Koenma.  
"Dear Buddha-boy," Aoshi read. "Since you would not request anything for yourself, I decided that I would choose a special treat for you. Enjoy!"  
A tiny grain of apprehension popped into being somewhere deep within Aoshi's serene soul. A few seconds later, a shrill, girlish voice called out, "Yoohoo! Aoshi, dearest!" and the grain exploded into a full-fledged panic attack. Misao!!!  
The "weasel girl" bounded across the sand and threw herself at Aoshi. The two went down in a tangle of arms and legs as the other tribal members watched with various degrees of smug amusement.  
"I believe that Aoshi's state of cosmic bliss has just come to an abrupt end, that it has." Kenshin's smile threatened to take over his whole face.  
  
* * *  
  
Goku was just digging into the contents of a fresh snack packet when Vegeta approached.  
"With you, it is always food, ne, Kakarrot?" the Saiyan prince commented, his upper lip lifted in distaste.  
"Ummm, mffiiffum," Goku answered around a mouthful of mini rice cake.  
Vegeta sat down beside his fellow Saiyan and frowned. "We must discuss the upcoming challenge and how it might affect our tribe. I am referring, of course, to our weakest member - the short, bald one."  
Goku chewed thoughtfully.  
"You and I are excellent physical specimens and our sons are well on their way to rivaling us in skill and strength - even though their human blood is somewhat of a drawback," Vegeta continued. "Chi Chi and Bulma are well capable of handling almost anything that comes their way, but Krillin is more easily defeated. Our opponents are all strong, intelligent young men; almost any of them could best Krillin in a battle of wits or physical endurance."  
Goku swallowed. "What are you suggesting?"  
"Merely that we must not, by any means, let the bald one participate in a one-on-one challenge this evening," Vegeta answered. "If he draws the challenge card, one of us must quietly exchange it for our own. And, if our team loses and we are forced to go to tribal council tonight, you must show no pity for him. Vote him off the island."  
"Vegeta!" Bulma's loud voice caused both Saiyan warriors to jump. She was striding toward them, brows knotted in a frown and something clutched in her hands. "You put this visor on right now! That receding hairline of yours is getting as red as a lobster!"  
She thrust the white terrycloth sun visor at her husband. He sputtered, turning red, and opened his mouth to protest; then, catching the look in his wife's eyes, the Saiyan prince - conqueror of worlds, slayer of planets - meekly took the hated item and slipped it on, settling it low over his forehead.  
"There, that's better." Satisfied, Bulma kissed the top of Vegeta's head, then walked away, calling over her shouldar, "And don't take it off!"  
Goku looked over at the miserable creature that was Vegeta and grinned. The visor had a pink flamingo and the words "Visit Miami Beach" emblazoned across the front.  
"Here." Goku dug a rice cake out of the packet and handed it to Vegeta. "Guess you could use a little something about now."  
  
* * *  
  
"Well, now! There have been some changes since we were here yesterday, haven't they?"  
Koenma looked out over the tribal members assembled before him on the beach. Vegeta was sporting Saiyan armour and a terrycloth visor; Kurama was a mirror image of Kenshin, complete with fuchsia-colored gi and white hakama ("So, that is what was in that mysterious package Jorj brought to him today!" Hiei thought, glaring at both redheads); and Aoshi was slumped dejectedly on the sand with Misao draped around his neck. The Serene One was looking a bit frazzled around the edges, with his usually flawless hair disheveled and a sort of wild desperation in his eyes as the "weasel girl" chattered nonstop into his perfectly shaped ear.  
"Our challenge is a simple one involving an obstacle course," Koenma went on. "First, we must again draw cards to find each tribe's representative. High card takes it."  
As the ogre passed through the group with his cards, Vegeta nudged Goku. "Remember the plan," he hissed.  
The Saiyan needn't have worried, however. When the cards were revealed, Goten had pulled a king of spades, the highest card in Tribe DBZ. Sanosuke was chosen for Tribe Rurouni-Yuyu.  
"Good!" Koenma said. "Now follow me."  
The toddler led the way down a trail that eventually came out near the former Dark Tournament stadium. As the group trooped in, they could see that twin obstacle courses had been constructed on the stadium floor, using rubber tires, rope ladders, log bridges, and a series of climbing walls. A deep pit had been dug off to one side and two iron cages were suspended over it. Ominous growls issued from the depths of the pit.  
"I don't like the looks of this," Hiei muttered to Kurama.  
"Oro?" Kurama said brightly.  
"Shut up!" Hiei growled.  
"First, let's get our two representatives situated all nice and snug in those cages up there," Koenma said cheerfully.  
Goten and Sano stepped forward reluctantly. Jorj drove up in a "cherry picker" truck and stopped. He lowered the basket and the two unlucky players stepped in. Driving to the edge of the pit, the ogre pushed the gears that swung the basket out over the gaping hole and toward the open doors of the two cages. Goten stepped into the first cage and closed the door behind him. Sano looked down into the pit and screamed.  
"Hey! There's a tiger down there!" he yelled, his eyes bugging from his head.  
"And?" Koenma looked puzzled.  
"And we could be killed!" Sano cried.  
"Please calm down," Koenma said impatiently. "He can't reach you."  
"Yeah, but - well, there's got to be more to it than just hanging us over that pit!" Sano argued. "You're going to lower the cages down, aren't you?"  
"Heelllooo!" Koenma retorted. "They're IRON cages. Tigers can't bite through iron."  
"Oh. Okay then." Reluctantly, Sano stepped into the cage and shut the door. The cherry picker backed away.  
"The rest of you line up at the start of the obstacle courses," Koenma commanded. The two tribes formed neat lines and stood waiting for further orders. "Now then!" Koenma rubbed his hands together. "As you can see, the cages are suspended from ropes attached to pulleys. The ends of the ropes are tied around these two iron posts. As you go through the obstacle course, one at a time, the two cages will be slowly lowered into the pit. As soon as all members of a team finish the course, their representative's cage will come to a halt. If either team does not finish before their cage is four feet above the mouth of the pit, the bottom will fall out of the cage and -" he waved mournfully - "bye-bye, baby!" "WHAT!!!" The fishbone flew from Sano's mouth as he clutched the iron bars. It fell into the pit where the tiger snapped it up hungrily. "Hmm," Kuenma said, grinning. "That tiger will eat anything, heh heh." "Don't you dare lose!" Sano yelled at his tribe. "You hear me, Saitou? You'd better get your skinny butt through that course before I'm Tiger Chow!" Saitou let an evil smirk turn up one corner of his lips. "Enough talk!" Koenma interrupted Sano's ranting. "Get ready to go on the count of three. One - two - three!" The players at the head of each line launched themselves into the obstacle courses. Through the tires, up the rope ladder, across the log bridge and over the walls they hustled. As each one finished, the next team member began. Over the pit, the two cages swung back and forth, creaking ominously, as they descended slowly. Krillin stood at the end of the Tribe DBZ line, sweat pouring from his head. "I think I can! I think I can!" he chanted, eyes squeezed tightly shut. At the end of the other line, Saitou stepped quietly toward the iron posts. Stopping by one, he nonchalantly stuck his lighted cigarette to the rope that was attached to Sanosuke's cage. Half of each tribe's members had already traversed the course and Team DBZ was enjoying a slight lead. Kenshin had just taken on the tire obstacle when Kurama noticed that Saitou was not behind him in line. He located the tall policeman at once. "Fool!" he thought. "I'll fix that!" Kenshin had reached the other side and Kurama sped onto the course. His nimble body propelled him through the various obstacles and brought him quickly to the end. Spinning around to face the course's beginning, he shot a vine toward Saitou, wrapping it around him and dragging him forward just as Krillin reached the rope ladder. The vine retracted and Saitou stumbled into the tires, fighting desperately to keep his balance. Up, over the rope ladder, and onto the log bridge the vine dragged him. Now he was neck-to- neck with Krillin as they both took to the first of the climbing walls. Krillin glanced over to see where Saitou was and the horrible, unthinkable happened - his foot slipped and he tumbled to the bottom of the wall in a heap! "Get up, you!" Chi Chi screeched. "You'd better not let my baby fall into that pit!" Krillin fought with all his strength to catch up, but Saitou was too far ahead. As the tall policeman stumbled across the finish line, straining at the vines around him, Krillin crested the last wall and, to his horror, saw the bottom drop from Goten's cage. The boy plummeted down into the pit. "Goten!" Goku yelled, dashing forward, but something blazed past him, knocking him out of the way. With a terrible war whoop, Chi Chi leapt into the pit after her son. The tiger's roars changed to pitiful yelps of pain as the enraged mother pummeled him into submission. When the poor tiger had retreated to a far corner to lick its wounds, Chi Chi put her arms around Goten and looked up to where the others were watching from the edge of the pit. "Well?" she said, impatiently. "Are you going to stand there all day, Goku? Fly down here and give us a lift, you big lug!"  
  
* * *  
  
(Author: And now, a word from our sponsor.) Announcer: This episode is brought to you by "Battousai: the Musical." The scene opens on a stage with a backdrop representing a marketplace in Meiji-era Tokyo. Merchants in booths hawk their wares to customers while peddlers push their wagons through the crowd. The air rings with shouts of, "Rice cakes! Get them fresh!" and "Live fish - just caught!" Into this chaos comes a red-haired young man with a sword at his side; he is carrying a wooden bucket and reading a grocery list. One of the merchants sees him and nudges a customer. Merchant: (To tune of opening song of "Beauty and the Beast")  
"Look, there he goes. Yeah, that's Battousai -  
The greatest warrior in Japan!  
You'd never know it by his bearing;  
That Kenshin is a most peculiar man!"  
Kenshin: (Reading his list)  
"A bag of rice; a brand new whetstone  
To sharpen Kaoru's carving knife;  
Daikon - again? A pail of tofu.  
There must be more than this Rurouni life!" Announcer: Thrill to the laundry scene. Scene shifts to the yard of the Kamiya dojo where Kenshin is washing clothes in a sudsy tub. Kenshin: (To tune of "Tiny Bubbles")  
"Soapy bubbles, in the tub,  
Make me happy, when I scrub.  
Soapy bubbles make my hands all pruny." Announcer: Cringe at the evil of the villain Shishio. Scene shows Shishio seated in his usual cross-legged position, with Yumi hanging on to him, as usual. Shishio: (To tune of "I'm on Fire," by Bruce Springstein)  
"Come on, Yumi, now take my hand;  
Together we can rule Japan.  
Uh huh, I've got a mad desire!  
Oh, oh, oh - I'm on fire!"  
Announcer: Join the police on their quest to stop the madman.  
Camera shows a squad of Tokyo police officers, following Saitou down the street.  
Officers: (To tune of "Cops" theme song)  
"Bad boys, bad boys, what ya gonna do?  
What ya gonna do when Saitou comes for you?  
Bad boys, bad boys, what ya gonna do?  
What ya gonna do when Saitou comes for you?  
The Wolf's gonna give you no break!  
Policeman's gonna give ya no break!  
Battousai's gonna give ya no break!  
Bad boys, bad boys, what ya gonna do?  
What ya gonna do when Saitou comes for you?"  
Announcer: Witness the final showdown when Kenshin fights to keep his manslayer nature in check.  
Scene shifts to Kenshin with his sword drawn, facing Shishio.  
Kenshin: (To tune of "Day-o," by Harry Belafonte)  
"Oro! Or-or-o-o! Battousai's comin' and I can't hold him back!  
Oro! Or-or-o-o! Battousai's comin' and I can't hold back!  
You look like an evil sort of fellow.  
Battousai's comin' and I can't hold back!  
Hey, can't you see my eyes are turning yellow?!  
Battousai's comin' and I can't hold back!"  
Announcer: Critics have called it the hit of the Meiji era! "Battousai: The Musical" - coming soon to a Kabuki theatre near you!  
  
***  
  
No one was particularly surprised when, at tribal council that night, Krillin was voted off the island. After all, when Chi Chi got up out of the pit and gave him some of what had turned the man-eating tiger into a house kitten, he was really in no shape to stay anyway.  
As the emergency helicopter flew off with Krillin's stretcher dangling from it, Goku waved a friendly farewell to his little buddy.  
"So long, Krillin!" he yelled. "Nothing personal on the vote, pal! We just thought you needed a little rest in a nice, quiet hospital!"  
Tribe DBZ trooped back to their campsite to commiserate and plan their strategy for the next challenge. Across the way at Tribe Rurouni- Yuyu's camp, Sanosuke and Yusuke played a game of "rock, paper, scissors" for the last of Sano's wagashi from the Akabeko picnic basket; Saitou watched from the trees, the glow of his feral eyes matching the glow of his cigarette. Kenshin and Kurama happily cleaned up the dinner dishes, while Hiei eyed them with disgust and formulated a plan. Aoshi leaned against a rock, Misao attached to his arm, her voice chattering a non-stop stream of sweet nothings. Presumably to become one with his surroundings, Aoshi the Enlightened was slowing banging his head against the rock behind him.  
Down on the beach, a small canoe came ashore. A lone figure stepped out, then pushed the boat back to drift away on the tide. Light from the full moon glinted off the lenses of sunglasses and a pair of binoculars.  
"Hee, hee," Master Roshi wheezed. "Maybe I can catch Bulma and Chi Chi skinnydipping!"  
He darted across the stretch of sand and into the trees, heading toward the DBZ camp; but something made him freeze and turn back toward the beach. Yes, there it was again - low voices and the sound of oars slicing through the water. A small boat came ashore not far from where he had landed. Crouching behind the underbrush, Master Roshi turned his binoculars toward the boat. In the bright moonlight, he could see three people embarking - the first, a slight young man who held out his arm to steady the second, a gaunt, stooped man wrapped completely in bandages, and the third .  
"Woah!" Master Roshi almost jumped up from his hiding place as he caught sight of the pretty young woman standing next to the "mummy" guy. As he took in the soft, pearly curves of her shoulders, bare above the neckline of her kimono, both his sunglasses and the binocular lenses fogged up.  
"Oh, ho, Roshi, old boy!" he whispered. "Looks like we've stumbled onto a sweet little diversion here!"  
The moon slipped behind a cloud as the third day on the island came to a close.  
  
Author's Note: Well, you made it to the end of this chapter - finally! Thanks for staying with us. If you think things are getting weirder and weirder, and your anime friends are acting more and more - well, unusual - you're right! And it doesn't get any saner, folks; but we promise that there is a good reason for the OOC stuff, as you will see if you just keep reading. Now, we should probably take a moment here to add to our standard disclaimer. All of the songs spoofed in our commercial breaks belong to other, much more talented people. We merely "changed" them a bit. We don't own the rights to them and, please, if anyone should happen to be on some weird, judgment-impairing drug and decide to actually put on a play using the above lyrics, kindly reconsider! But, then, no one would be that sick, would they?  
  
More notes on this chapter: I guess most of you recognized our new arrivals as Shishio, Yumi and Soujiro. I know, I know! We already mentioned that this is after the Kyoto showdown with Shishio. As most RK fans know, this battle turned out with both Shishio and Yumi dead and Soujiro's emotions restored (after which he turned from the "might makes right and weak makes dead" philosophy taught to him as a child by Shishio). If you were wondering how they're showing up now on the island, just remember that this is a Spirit World island and the rules of time and space as we know them probably are suspended there. (After all, the Kenshin-gumi are from the Meiji era, while the Yuyu Hokashu gang are modern - and no one knows exactly when DBZ takes place.) And, besides, they're an essential part of the plot here!  
  
The "cherry picker" used before the competition to lift Sanosuke and Goten into the cages over the pit is a machine with a large, retractable arm. On the end of the arm that extends upward is a large "basket" to accommodate workers and tools. Cherry pickers are utilized in jobs requiring workers to reach high places, such as trimming tree branches, repairing power lines; and stringing up the large Christmas decorations across streets in downtown areas. 


	4. SurviveOro 4

Author's note: This is a Rurouni Kenshin/Yuyu Hokashu/Dragon Ball Z crossover story. All standard disclaimers apply. We do not own the rights to any of these characters (more's the pity) and we apologize ahead of time for any distress we might cause by making our beloved anime friends behave in unusual ways. We also declare ourselves to be unaffiliated with any TV reality shows that take place on islands. We further assert that, although there are doubtless many examples of fan fiction on the internet that feature any or all of these characters in a similar reality show setting, this is an original story and is not based on any other fan fiction. That said, we hope you'll enjoy this unworthy story, that we do!  
  
Survive-oro!  
  
By Kazoku Okami  
  
Chapter 4: When You're Strange.  
  
The morning of the fourth day on the island was rather gray and uninspiring. Rain clouds hovered overhead, sullen and swollen, threatening to dump a good-sized deluge on all below.  
"This isn't a monsoon region, is it?" Goten quipped. Stretching his legs out on the grass where he sat, he eyed the sky suspiciously.  
Trunks, seated on a flat-topped rock nearby, didn't bother looking up from the battle raging across the screen of his hand-held game system. "Gee, I dunno, Goten-chan," he mumbled. "Why don't you go ask your mommy?"  
"Huh?" Goten's head whipped around toward his friend. "What?"  
Trunks sniffed. "Maybe Mommy can save widdle Goten from the mean old rain - just like she saved you from that tiger!"  
Goten jumped up, dumping his own game system onto the ground. "Take that back!" he yelled.  
Trunks merely raised an eyebrow. "Says who? Widdle Goten-chan? Oof!" Trunks went flying off the rock and landed on the ground, Goten on top of him. The two rolled around, trading punches and grabbing handfuls of each other's hair, tugging exuberantly.  
"Look at those two!" Bulma elbowed Vegeta in the ribs.  
"Ow!" the Saiyan prince whined. "Stoppit."  
Bulma spun around to gape at her husband in surprise. In all the years they had been married, she had never heard Vegeta whine about anything. (For that matter, he had never reacted with any emotion except rage, even to blows that would have felled an average-sized ox!) Yet there he was, clutching his ribs; his eyes, under the ridiculous flamingo- embossed sun visor, were accusing and his bottom lip poked out in a pout.  
"Well, of all the -" Bulma broke off, confused. "What's going on here, Vegeta?"  
"Nothing," Vegeta mumbled, petulantly. "Just leave me alone!" He spun around and stalked off toward the capsule house.  
Bulma stared after her him, mouth open, head spinning.  
"Maybe I should have made him wear that visor sooner," she muttered. "I think the sun has fried his brain!"  
  
* * *  
  
Strange occurrences were becoming rather noticeable at the Rurouni- Yuyu camp, as well. Hiei had approached Kurama that morning, frowning over yet another display of hero worship evident on the fox demon's person.  
"What is that?" Hiei demanded.  
"Uh, what's what?" Kurama widened his eyes innocently.  
"That!" Hiei pointed. "On your face, baka!" He narrowed his eyes. "It's a scar, isn't it?"  
"Oh, that!" Kurama blushed. "I - uh, cut myself shaving."  
Hiei sneered. "Twice?"  
Kurama blinked.  
"It's a cross-shaped scar, you simpleton!" Hiei hissed.  
"Um." Kurama stared at Hiei as if trying to think of a reply; finding none, he resorted to the only thing that came to mind at the time. His eyes snapped shut as his mouth turned upward in a Rurouni grin.  
Hiei slapped himself on the forehead and turned away.  
"Must - not - kill - Kurama!" he ground out, between his clenched teeth. Taking a deep breath and counting to ten, he got himself somewhat under control again before turning back toward his friend. He was just in time to see a flash of red as Kurama ducked into the trees at the edge of camp.  
"I should go after him," Hiei thought grimly. "Maybe even slap some sense into that head of his! Something is very, very wrong here. Kurama doesn't usually - "  
Hiei broke off, his eye caught by a thing of such remarkable beauty that the fire demon was suddenly struck speechless. Where had that come from - that beguiling magenta jewel of magnificence! That harbinger of heavenly delight!  
Entranced, Hiei felt his feet stumbling forward toward the beautiful thing. His eyes were glowing and his lips wore an enraptured smile. His trembling hand reached out to touch beauty, then stopped. Another one! - there was another just like the first, every bit as glorious and tempting! The sight filled his eyes with tears of joy.  
Across the way, Yusuke watched as Hiei knelt and carefully picked two ordinary-looking, rather sun-scorched red flowers that were growing at the edge of the trees. The fire demon's demeanor was one of reverence and almost feverish ecstasy.  
"What's going on around here?" Yusuke asked himself, frowning. "Is everybody going crazy?"  
  
* * *  
  
Aoshi had awakened that morning feeling - peculiar, somehow. Ever since he had released the inner demons that had driven him to abandon his Oniwabanshu and vow to take his vengeance against Kenshin, he had been seeking, embracing an inner light. As it had grown within him, he had become conscious of a deep connection with nature, cherishing the bonds between earth and sky, fire and water, man and forest creatures. He longed to become one with all things.  
But this morning, there was a new longing stirring in his heart - and it was a strong and driving urge. Aoshi wanted to hunt something!  
He sat up on his futon and took a deep sniff of the morning air. There was a wild, musk-like odor emanating from the nearby forest and his ice-blue eyes could make out a stirring deep in the foliage beyond. The connection he had so recently forged with nature had heightened his senses and now served to make him the most dangerous of predators - the hunter who is one with his prey.  
He rose in one fluid movement, eyes still piercing the woods at the edge of the camp, and started forward. His bare toe struck something and he looked down. Misao was still sleeping on the futon she had placed at the foot of his bed, her faithful heart causing her to take this servant's position to her beloved Aoshi. The girl stirred, sighing deeply, and snuggled farther down into her covers.  
"Hmmm," Aoshi thought. "Misao-chan has grown up - and she's looking niicce!" He inhaled deeply. She smelled good, too - like the woods and flowers, with an undertone of something wild - and a bit disturbing!"  
His senses distracted from the forest and completely attuned to this new hunt, he slowly went down into a crouch, Kenshin, on his way back from fetching water for the morning soup, saw Aoshi crawling toward the "weasel girl", a wolfish leer turning the tall, taciturn man's angular features into a mask that was a bit frightening. Without thinking, Kenshin set down the bucket, his hand going to the sword at his side; something was amiss here and, if need be, he would have to protect the sleeping Misao's honor. He needn't have worried. When Aoshi's face was mere inches from Misao's, the girl gave a wild whoop and threw herself onto her beloved "okashira", knocking him backward onto the ground. "Thought you'd sneak up on me, ne?" she yelled. "Wanted to see if I still had my ninja skills? Well, I do!" "I see." Aoshi raised himself up onto one elbow. The twisted smile was still present on his face as he regarded the girl standing over him. "Very good, Misao." "You bet it is! My training was - " Misao broke off suddenly as her brain registered the expression in the man's eyes. "L-Lord Aoshi?" "Yes, kawaii akachan?" Aoshi said, his voice deep and smoky, like a panther's low growl.. Both Misao and Kenshin gawked at that one. Misao recovered first. "Kawaii akachan?!" she screeched. "Precious baby?!" Her eyes blazed. "You - You - hentai!" Her fist connected with the okashira's offending, though beautifully-shaped, mouth. Then she wheeled around and stalked across the campsite, her whole demeanor radiating anger and hurt. Aoshi touched his bleeding lip with one finger, then licked the blood away, relishing the somewhat salty, metallic taste. He got to his feet and stretched sensuously, looking after Misao's retreating figure. "Later, then," he murmured. A small chuckle escaped his lips as he turned his attention back to the forest and the four-legged prey that surely waited there. Across the way, Kenshin stood like a man gob-smacked, one eye twitching. Aoshi - had - laughed!!  
  
* * *  
  
On the far side of the island, Master Roshi had his binoculars trained on a silken-walled pavilion set in a small clearing. He had followed the three intruders last night and seen them make their way to this spot; the cheerful young man had set up camp, while the bandaged one had sat around being waited on by the object of Roshi's unadulterated lust. There was no sight of the "mummy" today, but the young man was cooking something over the campfire. The smell made Roshi's mouth water, but not as much as the sight of the curvaceous young woman who was, at this moment, enjoying a swim in a nearby lagoon.  
"Ooh, baby!" the old man murmured. "Who's your daddy?"  
"Soujiro!" a voice called from inside the pavilion. The young man laid down his cooking chopsticks and hurried to answer his master.  
Master Roshi moved closer, straining to hear.  
"Yes, Lord Shishio," Soujiro's cheerful voice was saying. "The tiny one will be arriving soon. He will be pleased at how well your plans are succeeding, Sir."  
"Good," came a deep, somewhat raspy voice. "Let me know when he has entered the camp."  
"Yes sir." Soujiuro said. "Breakfast is almost ready; shall I bring your tray?"  
"I suppose so." The bandaged man gave a sigh. "I hunger for food so rarely these days. My taste runs more to conquest."  
"Then you will surely have your fill soon, Lord Shishio!" The young man chuckled. He emerged from the tent and set about serving up the food. "Miss Yumi," he called. "Your tray is waiting."  
The young woman came up from the water, droplets glistening on her smooth skin and the dark cascade of her hair. Squeezing the wetness out of her tresses and pinning it up quickly, she stepped behind a small curtain that had been hung up between two trees. She slipped out of her wet under- kimono and toweled, then slipped into a dry cotton kimono. The young man, Soujiro, handed her a tray and she disappeared into the pavilion.  
"Don't go, pretty girlie," Roshi moaned. But it was a good while before Yumi came out again. When she did, she was wearing the clothes from the night before.  
"Rats!" Roshi muttered. "I wonder if she'll go swimming again later? I'd better keep watching; wouldn't want to miss -"  
His lecherous musings were interrupted by a commotion at the edge of the clearing. It sounded like someone was arriving.  
"Must be the 'small one' they were talking about," Master Roshi thought. "I'll bet it's that Koenma character; these must be friends of his."  
Curious, he craned his head to see the far side of the camp where Soujorou and Yumi were welcoming their guest, a tiny, bug-eyed little -  
"Eep!" Roshi squeaked. "It can't be! He's dead!" He polished his binocular lenses on his shirt-tail, then looked again. "But it is - it is Babidi!"  
  
* * *  
  
Deep within the shadowy, sylvan splendor of the island, a solitary siki deer raised her head, dark eyes alert, and sniffed the air. She had been feeding peacefully on the tender buds of a young wildflower when her keen hearing had caught the slight rustle of nearby undergrowth. A moment passed, then two, then a lone Latham's snipe burst upward from the brush and took to the sky, launching itself into the bizarre zigzag flight that has earned its kind the nickname of "lightning bird." The doe relaxed and finished off her meal, then turned. Though heavy with faun, she was the picture of grace as she wandered away into the forest.  
Nothing disturbed the serenity of the glade for a few moments; then the foliage parted and Aoshi Shinomori stepped out, his grace rivaling that of the doe, but more reminiscent of a panther stalking its pray. He had stripped down to his loincloth and rubbed his skin with dirt and wild grass to hide his human smell. Crouching down by the remains of the plant the doe had nibbled, he sniffed the animal's scent and smiled, white teeth gleaming.  
"No fears, little mother," he purred. "I'm not after you. I require more of a challenge in my hunt!" He rose in one fluid motion. "Still, you might lead me to a more robust specimen of your kind!"  
Like a cat on the trail of its prey, Aoshi set off in the direction the doe had gone.  
  
* * *  
  
Goku was reeling! He had been busily licking out the breakfast rice pot when Vegita had stepped out of Bulma's capsule house and coughed to get his attention. Goku had looked up slowly, sheepish at having been caught eating again. What he had seen made him drop the pot and stand gawking.  
The proud Vegita, last Prince of the Saiyan race, had shed his armor and was dressed in khaki shorts, Birkenstock sandals and a T-shirt with "Earth is our mother - treat her with love" written above a (gasp) happy, yellow smiley face. He had added a pair of bifocals to the overall effect and he peered through them at Goku, his eyes disturbingly huge in the lenses' distortion.  
"Um, Goku-san," he murmured, "would you like to sign my petition?" He thrust a piece of paper toward his gob-smacked friend. "I've been thinking about this competition and I've reached the conclusion that our activities might have a negative impact on the indigenous plants and wildlife on this island. I'm getting signatures asking Koenma to call off the rest of the games and, instead, sponsor a week-long clean-up and tree-planting session."  
Goku just stared blankly at his comrade.  
"If I back off slowly," Goku's brain was telling him, "maybe he won't attack me." He tried to blink, but his eyes had dried out from staring and the best he could do was roll them up into the top of his head. "If I don't see him, he's not really here," he thought. But, when he mustered the courage to look again, the monstrosity was still standing there - petition outstretched, pink felt-tip pen at the ready!  
  
* * *  
  
For over an hour, Master Roshi had been witnessing the impossible. Babidi was alive and well and being entertained in Mummy Man's pavilion! Roshi had crept closer, hoping to hear what was being said, but he could only catch a word here or there, as both Babidi and the bandaged man were speaking in low voices. He heard the phrases, "in their water supply" and "already affecting their behavior," but little else. But now Soujiro was speaking, his pleasant young voice as clear as a bell: "How soon will they all be under the influence of the drug, Sir?"  
"Soon, my sweet-faced lad - very soon! And then they will be helpless to resist us!" Babidi had chuckled before lowering his voice again.  
For once, all thoughts of Yumi and her bare shoulders left the eavesdropping Turtle Hermit's head as he set his mouth in a grim line and turned away from the camp.  
"I have to tell the others!" he muttered.  
"Tell them what, old man?"  
A huge hand clapped its iron grip on Master Roshi's shoulder and spun him roughly around. Roshi craned his neck to stare up into the face of his captor. The man was tall and extremely muscular, with styled, black hair and dark, cat-eye sunglasses covering his eyes. He had what looked like a bunraku puppet on his back.  
"N-nice shades," Roshi said nervously.  
The man stared down at him, a cruel smirk twisting his lips.  
"What should we do with him, Brother?" the man inquired.  
Master Roshi blinked as the "puppet" moved and a pale face appeared from behind the tangled mop of hair that he had taken for a doll's wig. That thing was alive! And it was leering at him!  
The tall man cocked his head toward the evil "puppet" thing as it spoke one word: "Torture!". "Yes, my brother, I agree!" The tall man lifted Roshi by the neck of his shirt and turned back toward the pavilion. "We'll take him to the Bandaged One. It will be a sweet diversion while we're waiting." He chuckled. "Maybe we can even get a nice, friendly wager going on how long the old man can last!"  
  
* * *  
  
(Author: And now a word from our sponsor.)  
The camera shows the interior of the Akabeko. Seated around a table littered with the remains of a feast are Kenshin, Sanosuke, Kaoru, Megume and Yahiko, all talking and laughing together.  
Announcer's voice: Renting a private dining room at your favorite restaurant - ¥2,000 (2,000 yen).  
Sanosuke reaches his chopsticks to take the last chofu cake from a platter. Yahiko reaches to grab it away and they tussle.  
Announcer: Dinner for five, including dessert - ¥8,500 (8,500 yen). The diners all raise sake cups in a toast, then down the contents. There are several empty sake bottles overturned on the table.  
Announcer: Enough sake to float a battleship - ¥4,350 (4350 yen).  
Tae appears with the check. Yahiko: (teasingly) Hey, Sano, isn't it your turn to pay? To the obvious amazement of all present, Sanosuke grabs the check. He takes a look, then reaches into a pouch at his belt and pulls out a small, vinyl card. He hands this, along with the check, to Tae.  
Sanosuke: Here you are, my dear. And please add on a nice, fat gratuity for your trouble. Tae: (In shock) Er, arigato, Sano-san. I'll be right back. (She zombie- walks to the front of the restaurant.) Sanosuke: (looking around at his open-mouthed companions) Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to visit the little roosters' room, heh heh. (He saunters off) Kenshin: (still a bit swirly-eyed with shock) Oro? Suddenly there is a loud scream of rage from the front of the Akabeko and, seconds later, Tae charges into the room, face red with anger. Tae: Where is he? Where's that no-good, double-dealing - Kenshin: Or-oro? Kaoru: Who - Sano? Tae: Who else?! This card is a fake! Now, where is he? Megume: He - he went to the restroom - oh, no! They all jump up and run to the men's room, which, of course, is empty. They notice the restaurant's back door is open. Looking out, they see Sanosuke duck down the back alley. Tae: Aaarrrrgggh!!! Announcer: Getting out of your turn to pay the check - PRICELESS! Camera shows Sanosuke being chased down the street by the whole gang, waving their fists and yelling. Announcer: The best things in life are free. For everything else, there's Moocher's Card!  
  
* * *  
  
Misao was moping. Ever since her encounter with Aoshi and his subsequent disappearance into the forest, the usually vivacious girl had been sitting on a campstool, staring listlessly at the ground. "Misao-chan, are you feeling unwell?" Kenshin asked, concern in his violet eyes. The "weasel girl" shook her head, but didn't speak. A deep sigh escaped her lips and Kenshin caught a glimpse of a tear sliding down her cheek. Kenshin offered her a freshly laundered hankie and Misao blew her nose loudly, then extended the damp cloth back toward him. "Uh, you keep it," Kenshin said. "Is - is there anything I can do for you?" He smiled gently. "Maybe ring Aoshi's neck?" Not even this brought a smile to Misao's gloomy face. "No, nothing. No one can do anything," she said flatly, then turned her back to him. After a moment, Kenshin walked away. He hated to see the girl looking so depressed. It just wasn't like Misao to let anything get her down for long. The thought of what he had witnessed earlier made his mouth go dry. Something was definitely wrong around here. He licked his lips. "Thirsty," he thought. "Maybe we're all a little dehydrated. It's awfully hot on this island." Kenshin headed over to the water cask and used the gourd dipper to fill his empty canteen. Taking a long swallow of the clear, cold water, he sighed deeply. "Maybe I should talk to some of the others," he pondered. "Saitou usually knows what's going on around him. He'll be condescending and rude, but at least I'll get some answers." He found the Wolf of Mibu chopping firewood and humming under his breath. When Kenshin approached, Saitou looked up from his work. "Oh, hi, Himura," he said, his tone friendly. Saitou straightened up and leaned on his ax. "What's shakin'?" "Oro?" Kenshin stared, puzzled. Saitou grabbed up his canteen from a nearby stump and drank deeply. "Man, it's hot out here, ne?" He poured the rest over his head and bare shoulders. "Are you drinking enough water, kid? Wouldn't want you to get dehydrated." When Kenshin didn't reply, but only stood staring at him with a bug-eyed expression, Saitou leaned over and peered into the rurouni's face. "What's wrong, kid?" He sounded genuinely concerned. Kenshin shook his head as if to shake off the shock he was feeling at Saitou's behavior. He blinked rapidly a few times to clear his vision. Nothing had changed. The Wolf of Mibu was smiling, warmly, at him. "Some - something's w-wrong," he stammered. "People - around here -" He broke off. "Acting a bit strange?" Saitou finished for him. "I've noticed that, too." Relieved, Kenshin nodded. Saitou laughed and threw his arm around the Rurouni's shoulders. "Hey! Don't worry, Kenny-chan!" he chuckled. "That's just because they're losing their inhibitions. Happens all the time on islands!" "B-but - but -" Kenshin stammered. "C'mon, kid! Lighten up! Live and let live, I say!" He dug his knuckles into Kenshin's scalp in an affectionate "noogie." "Now, get out of here, Worry Wart! I've got work to do!" Releasing Kenshin, Saitou turned back to his firewood. Dazed, Kenshin wandered over to the laundry tub. He had put some soiled clothing in to soak earlier and they should be ready to wash by now. Doing the laundry always helped him think. He pushed up his sleeves and reached into the sudsy water, then stopped. "Women's work!" He withdrew his hand and shook the suds from it. "Why do I always have to do the laundry and cooking? I'm a man, aren't I?" The latter question brought a smirk to his face. "Oh, yeah! Last time I looked, anyway." He stood up and stretched, puffing his chest out and flexing his biceps. "Ummm, that feels good!" He shrugged off his kimono and, clad in only his hakama, whipped his reversed-blade sword from its scabbard and began to go through the training motions. "Sinew and steel - now, that's what a man's all about!" He ran through the Hiten Mitsurugi moves a couple of times more, then stopped, breathing hard and glistening with sweat. "So thirsty!" he thought. He took a long drink of water, then smiled. "That's better!" He sniffed. "Yeah! I smell like a man now, too - not some sissy-boy!" "Hey, Kenshin!" Sano approached, chewing on a fishbone, as usual. "Dude!" Kenshin high-fived the surprised Sanosuke. "Uh, yeah - whatever," Sano muttered. "I just wondered if you needed any help with the laundry." "Help? You?" Kenshin burst out laughing. "That's not like you, Sano! You feelin' guilty for all that mooching you've done?" Sanosuke looked at him, head tilted to one side as if in thought. "I honestly don't know," he admitted. "It just came to me while I was drinking my tea this morning. I've been a slacker - a parasite! And I'm here to change all that. Now, about that laundry -" Kenshin chuckled. "I appreciate the sentiment, Sano, but - Dude! Laundry is women's work! Leave it for Kaoru!" He stopped, frowning. "Oh, right. She's not here." He thought a minute, then his face lit up. "But Misao is!" "Yeah," Sana said, doubtfully. "Maybe she kind of qualifies as a woman. A little too young for my taste, but probably okay to do the laundry." "Uh huh," Kenshin smirked. "But I'd have to disagree about the 'too young' bit. I think she looks just ripe enough!" He turned his strangely amber-speckled eyes toward the slumped, dejected figure of Misao, still moping on her campstool. "I'll sweet-talk her into doing the laundry," he said, smoothly. "Then, if she's really gooood -" he licked his lips "- maybe I'll reward her! Wonder how she'd like her kisses from a real man!" "You dog!" Sano chuckled admiringly.  
  
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Bulma stood, hands on hips, and surveyed the scene around her. The Tribe DBZ campsite was a madhouse! Not that it was particularly noisy or filled with frenetic action - to the contrary, the atmosphere was a bit more subdued than usual. What made it a madhouse in her eyes was the fact that certain people in camp were behaving contrary to their usual manners! From where she stood, Bulma could see her husband as he made his way toward Goku and Chi Chi; the Saiyan prince was carrying a steaming bowl of vegetable soup, an anxious expression on his face. "Um, Goku," Vegeta said as he reached his friend's side. "I noticed you only ate one small bowl of soup at lunch. I thought you might be hungry, so I heated this up for you." Goku looked at the soup and shook his head. "Ooh, I just couldn't eat another bite," he said, looking a bit green around the gills. "All I seem to want today is water." "Oh." Vegeta looked even more worried. "Maybe I should take your temperature. We do have a camp first aid kit, you know." "Welll.maybe," Goku reluctantly agreed. Cheered up by having a mission, Vegeta turned and bounded over to the locker that contained the first aid kit. He returned in a few minutes, shaking a thermometer and looking a bit sheepish. "Okay," he said, "here's the problem: Koenma got this kit together and - well, nothing in it is suitable for treating adults. It's all toddlers' Tylenol and smiley-face bandaids." He sighed. "Oh, and this is a child's thermometer." Goku frowned. "I don't get it. It's still a thermometer, isn't it? I mean, if it registers a child's temperature, why not an adult's?" "Ur, that's not the problem." Vegeta shuffled his feet anxiously. Goku looked even more confused, but Chi Chi, blushing furiously, leaned to whisper something in his ear. Goku turned completely white. "What?!" he sputtered. "It goes - where?!" Holding both hands up, Goku backed away, then turned tail and ran. "Goku, wait!" Vegeta called out after him, but the frantic-eyed Saiyan never looked back. With a sigh, Vegeta turned to Chi Chi. "I really think you should talk him into giving it a try at least. I think maybe he's sicker than he knows - I mean, Goku with no appetite? It's just wrong." "Well, um, I dunno," Chi Chi murmured, eyes lowered demurely. "I'm sure my husband knows best. I would never dare to second-guess any decision my Goku made." She blushed. "I mean - well, I'm just a woman and not very smart about this sort of thing, you know." Bulma reeled. Chi Chi - being demure, downright self-deprecating!? Oh, this was too much! Added to the extremely odd behavior - and clothing - of her husband and the lack of appetite on Goku's part, there could be no doubt; something was definitely amiss! "Hi, Mom!" Bulma shook her head as if to clear away the confusion, then turned to face her son and his friend, Goten. "Trunks," she said softly, "I'm glad to see you. Have you noticed anything strange about your father lately?" Trunks frowned, looked at Goten who shrugged, and then nodded. "Well, he does seem a bit - odd today," Trunks said slowly. "I hope this isn't causing you too much concern, Mother dear." "Yes, Miss Bulma," Goten chimed in. "We were just saying that you look a little tired. We thought maybe you need more help around the house." "So we just cleaned our room and washed up the dishes," Trunks put in, beaming. "We'd like to start the laundry now, if that's alright with you." Bulma hit the ground, her eyes spinning Rurouni-style. "Who - Who are you - and what have you done with the boys?" she croaked. Trunks smiled lovingly and helped his mother stand. "There now, Mummy," he cooed. "Why don't you come on in out of this heat and have a bit of a lie- down?" "You deserve it, Miss Bulma," Goten agreed. "You do so much for everyone around you. We certainly wouldn't want you to feel unappreciated." Bulma stared, wide-eyed, at first one, then the other of the two strangers before her. Finally, she licked her dry lips and said, in a raspy sort of whisper, "Yes. Yes, that's just what I need - a nice lie-down." She let them lead her into the house as her mind added, "I'm obviously having some sort of heat stroke, accompanied by hallucinations!"  
  
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At a little past 2:00 p.m., Koenma called the two tribes together on the beach. It took until nearly 3:00 for all the stragglers to appear. The toddler and his faithful ogre companion stood waiting outside a capsule house they had set up just before summoning the contestants. Goku arrived, Chi Chi following three steps behind, eyes cast down at the ground. Trunks and Goten had wet-combed their unruly hair and were wearing aprons over their usual outfits. Bulma appeared a bit dazed still, leaning on Vegeta's arm. Aoshi was still free of any clothing except his loincloth and his skin glistened with a layer of perspiration. His dark hair was damp, hanging down over his oddly-feral eyes - eyes that seemed to devour the sight of Misao, who stood nearby still sniffling and dabbing at her teary eyes with Kenshin's handkerchief. As Aoshi peered at the girl from under his long bangs, Kenshin sidled up to Misao and whispered something that made the girl's eyes go wide. Aoshi saw red! "Himura Battousai," he growled, "leave my woman alone!" Kenshin turned to face Aoshi, his lip curled. "What's the matter, pretty boy?" he inquired scornfully. "Afraid the little lady here will find out what she's been missing hanging out with an ice block like you?" He turned back to Misao. "You know what they say, doll - once you've had a Battousai, you'll never settle for an ordinary guy!" Aoshi snarled and lunged at Kenshin, but Saitou stepped between the two, arms extended to hold them apart. "Please, boys," the tall police officer reasoned with them. "Can't we all just get along? Why don't you two just shake hands and make up?" "Yes, please listen to Officer Saitou!" Vegeta stepped forward. "We should all forget our differences and work for the common good here. Our battles should be fought against mankind's blatant disregard for nature. Look at the trees - you don't see them arguing - " "Or the flowers," Hiei murmured dreamily. "Flowers never fight - they just exist in complete beauty." He reached up, gently touching the garland of rather wilted red blossoms that circled his head. "That's a nice wreath on your head, that it is," Kurama told him sweetly. Koenma turned to Jorj. "Can you see me?" he demanded.. Jorj looked confused. "Why - yes, Sir," he replied, slowly. Koenma frowned. "Then I am here," he said, wonder in his voice. "I'm not dreaming." He looked out at the contestants and sighed. "Oh well," he remarked, "at least Urameshi and the Roosterhead are acting normal - well, as normal as either of them can possibly be." Just then, Yusuke turned to Sano, his eyes welling with tears. "I - I'm really worried about today's challenge," the spirit detective moaned. "I just know I'll mess up and let you all down!" "There, there," Sano said, comfortingly. "You'll do fine. And, if anything does go wrong and we lose, I'll take complete responsibility. In fact, I'll volunteer to be the one to leave the island." "That's - that's just so mature and responsible of you, Sano-san," Yusuke gushed. "Pinch me!" Koenma told the ogre. Gingerly, Jorj reached out and obeyed. Koenma let out a yelp. "Alright, alright," he said, stepping out of Jorj's reach. "I guess we should just get on with things." He turned back toward the thirteen remaining players. "Listen up, you freaks! I have an announcement to make." When everyone quieted down, Koenma went on. "There will be no competition today. Instead, I have declared this to be a day of rest, recreation and renewal." Most of the group cheered. Aoshi frowned, disappointed that there would be no chance to exercise his physical prowess, as did Kenshin who felt that he, too, was in need of a little outlet for his pent-up Battousai. "Therefore," Koenma paused for effect, then continued, "I have brought several guests to spend the day with you. Say hello to your families and friends!"  
  
Author's Note: Gomen nasai! I did not mean to run on so with this chapter! I did intend to have the bunch exempted from a challenge this time around so I could expand on the weird character development our gang is undergoing; it just took me a little longer than I thought. Hang in there; the worst is yet to come.  
  
More notes on this chapter: A word about the "capsule houses" that keep springing up in the story: Bulma's family owns Capsule Corp, a business that manufactures various pocket-sized - well, capsules that, when thrown onto the ground, go poof and out pops a full-sized car, motorbike, boat or, as in our case, house. (Boy! I wish those things existed! It would save a lot on hotel bills, rental cars, etc. if you could just take everything with you in capsule form!)  
  
I referred to Aoshi as Misao's "beloved okashira". Misao is a member of the Oniwabanshu (a spy group) and Aoshi is their leader (okashira). Misao temporarily took over in the leadership role when Aoshi, distraught over the death of it of his followers and obsessed with besting Kenshin (whom he wrongly held responsible) abandoned the group. His subsequent battle with Kenshin showed Aoshi that he was dishonoring his dead friends by trying to kill in their name and by turning his back on his remaining followers. Freed from his obsession, Aoshi entered his present state of introspection and search for enlightenment. (Which I have - well, sort of screwed up in my little story here. Sorry, Aoshi, my bad.) Oh.and he's not much given to smiling and I don't know of any instance when he's laughed - which is why Kenshin was so "gob-smacked" (shocked) when it happened in this chapter.  
  
Concerning Babadi (the new dead guy who's shown up here), he's a former DBZ villain - and the latest to benefit from the "magical reviving powers" of the Spirit World (and my poetic license). As for the two extremely creepy guys who capture Master Roshi (the big dude and the "living Bunraku puppet" on his back), devotees of YuYu Hokashu will undoubtedly recognize the Toguro Brothers. (When you visualize the smaller guy, don't see him as a Sherry Lewis type puppet; Bunraku puppets are about four feet tall.) More on them in the next chapter.  
  
Siki deer and the Latham's snipe are found in Japan and I included them because I needed animals in my "prowling Aoshi" sequence; these two are pretty cool! Also in that scene, Aoshi's loincloth was typical underwear for Meiji era Japanese men. They looked like the "thong" things Sumo wrestlers wear today.  
  
Vegita's outfit? Think "Deadhead."  
  
The Hiten Mitsurugi is Kenshin's swordsmanship style, taught to him by his old master, Sejiro Hiko. It involves a sheathed sword, drawn at the last possible second, just as an opponent strikes. 


End file.
